Velociraptor Parties Would Rock Unless You're An Edmontosaurus

I've been laying in my bed for hours trying to get to sleep because I have to work in the morning and I don't particularly want to take Ambien again. Clearly it wasn't working. And it wasn't really hours. More like 45 minutes, but it felt like hours and that's the important part.

I'm actually not even that tired. I just know that I should go to sleep because if I don't go to sleep then I'll end up oversleeping and doing my route way late again and I really need to start doing it at normal hours again. Not that the hours that I've been doing it aren't normal, they're just not the "preferred" hours.

So, I decided to do what any sane person that can't sleep would do.

I've gotten on the computer to write about velociraptors. (My spellchecker says that "velociraptors" is not a word. But Google and I both disagree, therefor it is wrong. It says that I should change it to "velocipede." Is that some sort of half-velociraptor-half-centipede? Or a millipede? Is it a velociraptor with 10-1000 legs? On a similar note, my spellchecker also thinks that "internet" is not a word but "Internet" is. Yeah. I have the stupidest spellchecker ever.)

(This is a picture of a real life velociraptor. I took it while I was in Alaska last month. Because velociraptors are still quite abundant and not at all extinct up there. Also, they let you ride them like horses, but you have to give them $3.57 first. No more, no less. Velociraptors are sticklers for proper monetary amounts. Everyone knows that. Plus, they have no pockets so they can't give you change, they'll just eat you instead.)

Some people may be wondering what being unable to get to sleep has to do with velociraptors. The answer is simple.

Don't think about it. Seriously. Just... don't try to figure out how my brain gets from point A to point B. It won't work.

Anyway, a couple of days ago I took a quiz entitled "What Dinosaur Would You Be." Apparently, due to the fact that I'm (supposedly) smart and I sometimes settle (or at least attempt to settle) problems with violence, plus a few other things that I can't remember, I'm a velociraptor.

I don't remember where I was going with this. I had something planned out. I really did. I was thinking it over while being unable to get to sleep. But it seems like it just disappeared out of the headspace.

Oh! I remember now!

Right. So. I'd be a velociraptor, which is pretty awesome because velociraptors are kick-ass. They're all smart and can open doors into kitchens and stuff. Because Jurassic Park was pure fact. It was a documentary, in fact. Except for the fact that it wasn't a documentary at all and it was probably wrong about pretty much anything. But I still believe that velociraptors can open doors, and I know how to open doors, therefor I am a velociraptor.

I'm pretty sure that velociraptors would have fun parties. They'd have all sorts of finger--er, talon--foods to munch on while you watched one of them play Pin The Horn On The Triceratops or tried to hit the edmontosaurus pinata. It would be a real, live edmontosaurus, by the way. They didn't have paper mache or candy back then. Plus the velociraptors only ate meat anyway.

Maybe some of the dinosaurs thought of small-dinosaur eggs as candy. Like their version of Cadbury Eggs. Maybe that's where the idea for Cadbury Eggs came from in the first place.

Other words my spellchecker doesn't think are real: Ambien, edmontosaurus, mache, and Cadbury.