I mentioned in my first post that I don't want to live in Neverland (the Peter Pan one, dickwads. But I wouldn't want to live in the other one, either.) despite the fact that I am, in fact, twenty-five years old and thus far I don't really want to become an actual adult with all those responsibilities and everything. Just so you know, there are actual reasons for why I don't want to live there.
1. Twelve-Year-Olds
The average human inhabitant seems to be roughly twelve years old. At most. No, that's a lie. There's also the pirates. But I'll get to that later. Oh, and the indians. Also later.
Right now I'm talking about the twelve year olds. Those boys that were all "I don't want to grow up!" so then the fairies came and kidnapped them which probably fucked up the mental state of their parents forever because dude, their sons were kidnapped by fairies. Who the hell gets kidnapped by fairies anyway?
Anyway, so these little boys are kidnapped by fairies when they're babies and taken to a world where they supposedly can't grow or anything. And yet they do. They grow to the ages of roughly six-to-twelve years old. And then they stop. Mentally, physically, every way that ends with "ally" they stop growing. I know that I can be seriously immature most of the time, but it isn't quite to the point that I would want to spend god knows how long surrounded by fucking twelve year olds. There's a reason that I don't go to the comic shop I work part time at on Saturdays and it has a lot to do with the twelve year olds.
I would spend all my time longing for a pirate or indian attack, hoping that I could watch these annoying kids that whine about shit like marbles and dress like animals for no fucking reason get brutally slaughtered. Because they would drive me nuts.
Plus? That's what creepers want. Creepers want to be surrounded by little boys all the time. I am not a creeper.
2. Fucking Fairies.
Fairies. Pixies. Whatever they are. Either one is fine. The point is, no. I do not want to live with the fairies of the Neverland world. They're too small to hold anything but one emotion at a time. They tried to kill the last chick that showed up because Peter liked her more. (Okay, that was just Tink, and Tink can be a BAMF, unless being played by Julia Roberts, but she's also a petty bitch with no morals at all.)
They are tiny, but they're strong enough to carry a fucking baby from London all the way to Neverland. Keep in mind, Neverland is apparently in another universe. And it's a universe that goes by what Earth uses as morning and night. "Second star to the right and straight on till morning." How can you tell when it's morning when you're in space? Space does not work that way. It is not always morning or night in space depending on what time it is back on Earth.
Anyway. The pixiefairies have no problems with killing you if they're annoyed. None at all. And I have a feeling that if I accidentally stepped on one all the Lost Boys would either cry or try to kill me.
Also? The tinkling bell noise. That would irritate me. And the glittery pixie dust. When it gets on you it's stuck there for years. If you get glitter in your hair you have to shave your head to get rid of it. I'm a chick. I don't want to shave my head.
3. Where The Hell Is It?
It's towards the second star to the right! The second star to the right of what? The North Star? Big Ben? What if I don't live in London? I can't tell which star is the second one to the right of Big Ben in that case. What if I'm looking up at the sky from the wrong side of Big Ben? If I get flown to the wrong "second star to the right" will I end up in some crazy Bizarro World version of Neverland?
4. Stereotypical Indians
Pixiefairies aren't the only thing to worry about in Neverland. There's also the stereotypical indians. Or is it "Injuns?" I can't tell. Because they're stereotypical. They're definitely not Native Americans, that's for sure.
They run around saying shit like "How!" and "Whose'um there?" even though we all know that's pretty much bullshit. And then they want to scalp you or something. Or just run around beating their drums like irritating rejects from the high school drum line.
5. Pirates
Pirates are bad.
Supposedly. Okay, I don't really agree with this one. The Neverland pirates are the only good thing about the place. Because they're pirates. And pirates are awesome. And guess what! They're not twelve years old. So what if Hook was chasing Peter and wanting him dead? I'd want him dead, too. When you think about it, Peter did nothing but cause shit for Hook from day one. It was even Peter's fault that Hook lost his hand and the crocodile was after him.
If I ended up stuck in Neverland I'd totally be a pirate
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